Fear Becomes Reality
by Jessizle95
Summary: He has faced many fears mistakes and he has corrected them. But when his fear of his own mind becomes reality do to recent events, will he be able to pull himself together or will his own fear consume him and destroy him? Takes place after Tobias, Rated M for possible violence and use of language.
1. Chapter 1

He sat in silence at an unmarked grave. He didn't know who it was but felt that it was necessary for him to visit. He visited this place often. Maybe too often but some deep urge inside him told him that it was necessary to visit from time to time. Every time he came he saw flashes of a dark wooden cabin in the middle of nowhere. There was two no three different people or was it the same person in this cabin talking. He couldn't tell but for a smell that burned inside his nose. His eyes fluttered to only see one person standing in front of him torturing him.

He had prayed and hoped that his team got his hints and clues as to where he was located. If they didn't he didn't know how much longer he could last. Until a sting of a needle pierced his arm. He drifted into a sea of unconscious as the pain eased and disappeared. He wasn't in that cabin anymore he was with his mother in a happy place.

He woke a few hours later laying upon the unmarked grave as his phone buzzed beside him. He hadn't realized he had missed ten calls from Jennifer, Derek, and Emily. He quickly sat up at the grave and picked his phone up.

"Hello?" he asked a masculine breathing

"Reid? Where in the hell have you been?" Derek asked

"Sorry, I guess.." he paused looking around his surroundings, "I guess I have just fallen asleep."

"You had us worried sick about you, I was about to have Garcia track your sorry butt."

"I'm sorry I made you guys worry. Do we have a case?"

"You darn right we do." Morgan said, "You better hurry your butt down here."

"That bad?"

"When isn't it bad?" Morgan responded

"I'll be right down." He responded pulling down the sleeve of his shirt and grabbing his bag; heading to his car.

"You missed the case briefing we will meet you on the jet. You're going to have to explain your behavior to Hotch so start thinking." Derek ended the conversation.

*Plane Ride*

He boarded the plane receiving stares of worry from his fellow colleagues. "Seriously Reid? Ten missed calls?" Emily asked in anger, since his kidnapping a month ago and knowing what he went through they always worried every second that he may break.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it." Emily said crossing her arms and her legs, giving him an evil but worried glare.

"Emily," Aaron responded to Emily's emotional outburst at Reid

"Don't Emily me, he needs to explain himself,"

"I thought you said it was Hotch that I was going to have to explain myself to?" Reid asked glancing up at Morgan

"Sorry kid." Morgan said

"If you want to explain to me start explaining." Aaron demanded

"I don't have anything to explain, I fell asleep end of story. I haven't been getting the recommended sleep I need since…since my kidnapping. I guess it finally caught up to me."

"I'm sorry Reid, it's just that since then, you haven't been acting like yourself." Emily responded

"Would you? Would you act like yourself after you have been, drugged and tortured unsure if you are going to be able to make it another day?"

"Reid! What is with you kid! This isn't you!" Derek shouted at Spencer.

"How do you know this isn't me? You don't watch my every move. Follow me ever where and since when do you care?" He said crossing his arms

"Reid, I have always cared about you man. This isn't you, I know it isn't." Morgan said staring into his eyes for answers

"Well get used to it, until you have been in my shoes and has gone through what I have, don't be questioning me on my whereabouts."

"Enough all of you!" Aaron demanded

"Sorry Hotch," All three of them responded

"Lets focus on this case for the time being. I'll take care of you later Reid." Aaron said.


	2. Chapter 2: Irrational Thinking

*Halfway through the case*

As they delivered the profile of their latest unsub, with characteristics include, vigilante, unstable, drug addict, on edge of a break down. Meanwhile, Aaron pulls Reid aside worried for his well being.

"Reid, is there anything you would like to talk to me about?"

"Why is everyone treating me like I'm a kid? No one knows what I went through. You watched it on a screen I lived it!" Reid yelled,

"What is with you Reid? I know you have been through a lot, more than I would like to see! Is there something you would like to tell me?" Aaron demanded grabbing Reid's left arm and pulling up his sleeve. "What is this Reid? Have you been using?"

He jerked his arm away from Aaron, quickly pulling down his sleeve before the others could see. "I'm not using Hotch! Have faith in me!"

"I know how people act if they are coming from a high, I know the signs to look for Reid! I am a profiler and I don't appreciate you lying to me!"

In an irrational response Reid smacks Hotch across the face. "What the hell Reid!" Morgan questioned Reid as he burst through the door watching them through the glass. "Are you okay Hotch?"

"I'm fine. Reid you and I are not done here! Do not leave!" Aaron shouted at Spencer as he went to open the door. He slammed the door and faced Aaron.

"Explain yourself now!" Aaron demanded

"Yes, I'm using! With what I have been through the high takes away the pain! I'm sorry! I'm Sorry!" He burst into tears as his yelling becomes subdued to petty pleas. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"It's okay Reid, it's okay." Aaron said bending down as Reid fell to his knees to comfort him. "You just need a break Reid, you came back too soon."

"I'm afraid of what would happen if I stayed alone. My mind, I'm afraid I'm losing my mind. I hear voices, I still smell the smell of...of death burning in my nose. The unmarked grave." Reid rambled as he sobbed in his hands.

"You're not making any since kid." Morgan said join Hotch in comforting him.

"I'm afraid." Reid spoke loud and clearly

"Afraid of what?" Morgan asked

"My own mind. I fear I may be losing it."

"Don't say that Spencer. We will get you help. We will get you help." Morgan repeated to him. He glanced up through to see very concerned stares from the rest of the team.

*Plane Ride Home*

"Reid?" Emily asked gently afraid to upset him

"If you think I'm going to have another emotional outburst your wrong. I haven't had any since we got here."

"Do you want to give it up?" Emily asked choosing her words with care

"Yes." He could feel the others looking at him but just focused his attention on Emily.

"Do you have it with you? The drug?" He nodded. "Can I have it?" He hesitated grabbing his bag in response. She choose her next set of words with caution. "If you really mean it...that you will..that you want to give it up then you would have no problem handing the drugs over to me." She paused looking at him, "Right?" She held out her hand to Reid waiting for him to hand her the drugs.

He opened his side pocket of his messenger bag pulling out two bottles of clear liquid. "Is that all of it?" Emily asked glancing up at Aaron who watched. He pulled out two little needles/syringes he used to inject the drug into his arm. He cautiously handed the drugs and needles to Emily who took an evidence bag from Aaron and placed them inside the bag handed it to Aaron.

"Yes that's all of it."

"Thank you Reid" Emily said grabbing Reid's leg in reassurance that everything will be okay.


	3. Chapter 3: Three days later

**What**** happens ****when you take the drug and the high away from an unstable mind? What would they turn to get that high? The first two chapters acted as a pilot/intro into the main concept of my story. Giving you a glimpse of how Reid first acted when coming off the high, now he is on edge and is willing to do anything for**** h****is**_** fix but will he be able to fully go through with his plans? I was hesitant in posting this next chapter but I liked it. **__**Let me know what you think of the story so far. Thanks!**_

*Three days later*

He sat in his recliner staring out the window. His head throbbed with pain as every muscle in his body ached. He knew Emily wouldn't give him the drug personally and he knew Aaron wouldn't give him the drug either. His hand twitched at the thought of the needle piercing his skin. The high; he missed the high. No, he didn't just miss the high he needed the high. He began to pace in his apartment for his time off was about to take a dramatic turn for the worst. It was their mistake to take him off the drug. His mistake for making him take a few more weeks off. And his own mistake for becoming addicted to the drug. What he did in his spare time wasn't any of their business anyways he figured.

"All of the possibilities and all of the things that I could do to get the high what would give me the most high?" Reid asked himself out loud weighing his options. He had become his worst possible nightmare, his worst possible fear, the worst thing he could possibly think of, "the kill. It gives our unsubs the high they need, the fixation, the sexual release. Everything that could take my pain away." He watched out his window trying to figure out his master plan, his signature.

"Drugging them would be too easy, they would figure that out in no time. I'm smarter than our deadliest criminals and I would be the one they would fear the most." He stopped in mid-pace to back track his thoughts, "But wait, I can't kill. I would lose my faith, my humanity or at least what I have left. I would hurt them, I would hurt my mother. I would hurt myself. I can't kill."

A soft knock came at the door for Emily and Derek was assigned to take turns watching over him in his time off. It gave Aaron and the rest of them slightest comfort that someone would be looking after him. "Hey Spencer it's me Emily, you have had your two hours of free time. I know you hate us babysitting you but I promise it is for your own good."

He opened the door to let the night watch in. "How are you feeling today Spencer?"

"Not myself, I want the drugs Emily."

"You know I can't give them to you. That and Aaron already disposed of them properly."

"I know, I wouldn't want you to anyways, it's for my own good."

"That's the spirit Spencer. Now what do you want to do tonight? I know last night we may have had too much to drink but I'll be honest Spencer, it was the best I had in a while."

"Me too." Spencer responded replaying their little romance episode last night. He mostly remained on top, portraying the dominate male but he could tell that Emily didn't care. Their body's touched, hers trembled at every movement. He kissed her with a furry passion and she returned the favor. Their bodies had been so close together, as every part of them touched one another's. They were both drunk and having sex breaking all of their bosses orders but that was the fun of it.

"So, what do you want to do tonight?" Emily asked Spencer again bringing him out of his stance.

"I think I may just sleep tonight. I have been having some bad thoughts run through my mind today after Derek left and after the headaches seized until they found their way back to my mind."

"Do you want me to sleep beside you like I have been?" She asked in hesitation not really sure what to think about the bad thoughts.

"Maybe you should just sleep on the couch tonight Emily, I'm afraid of what I could do to you in this state of mind."

"What do you mean Reid? In this state of mind?"

"I told you I don't feel like myself today. I don't want to take a chance on hurting you. I love you, you know." He let that last part slip. He hadn't meant to say it and he could tell it caught her off guard. "I didn't mean," it had only been on day three since his they got back from their case and his mandatory babysitting.

"I know what you mean Spencer, I love you too."

"How did they react when you came in with a hangover this morning?" Reid asked changing the tone of the subject and direction of the subject

"Well, Jennifer was first to ask about my hangover. Aaron was just worried that I let you drink on my watch."

"What did he say?"

"Just not to let it happen again. Morgan then in turned asked if we had sex because you were still asleep when he went in and the bed looked like two people had slept in it along with the messy covers."

"And?"

"I told them what I did on my free time was none of my business. Which in turn may have been a poor choice of words on my part because all Derek could do the rest of the time I was there today was smile and poke fun at the subject."

"Great, I have to deal with him tomorrow." Spencer said with an eye roll

"Sorry, Spencer. So I'll take the couch tonight?" Emily asked

"Yes please, just for tonight I don't want to take a chance on hurting you."

"What is up with that Spencer? You don't want to take a chance on hurting me?"

"I'm sorry Emily, I just don't know how to explain it right now. What I am feeling."

"Is it anything I should be concerned about?" Emily asked taking the pillow and extra blanket from spencer.

"No, you will know when you should start to worry." He headed into his bedroom, "Goodnight Emily."

"Goodnight Spencer." She turned off the living room lights leaving only the lamp light on beside the couch as she got situated. She watched him close his door before she turned off the lamp.


	4. Chapter 4: Night troubles

He tossed and turned in his sleep. The wanting ached through his body. The need burned through his mind. At every twitch of a finger, he wanted. He sat straight up in bed once his hand hit the empty spot beside him. He whispered, before he remembered, "Emily?" _Couch_ he thought to himself.

He felt sweaty as he sat at the edge of his bed. He found himself walking to his door and slowly turned the knob on his bedroom door. He entered the living room watching a peaceful Emily sleep on the couch, he whispered again, "Emily." He touched her shoulder gently trying to wake her without startling her. "Emily." He whispered again.

"Spencer?" She asked as she slowly awoke. "What is it?" She turned on the light beside the couch.

"I can't sleep."

"Urges? Or nightmares?" Emily asked him as she fully sat up allowing Spencer to sit beside her

"Both, more of the urges than the nightmares. My muscles ach, I feel week."

"It will be ok Spencer," she assured him as he rested his head upon her lap and curled up in a ball. Brushing his hair out of his face.

"When will the urges stop?" He asked her as his voice cracked through the air causing little bumps to form at the back of her neck.

"Soon." She hoped he believed her because she didn't know how long his urges would last, "Spencer, earlier when you said you didn't feel like yourself and your afraid of what you could do to me what did you mean?"

"I don't know Emily, I just get these thoughts running through my mind and quite frankly they scare me."

"It's alright Spencer, you have been through hell, no one expects you to have a clear mind right away after what you went through."

"Aaron does."

"He just wants you better, we all do." She bent down to kiss his forehead,

"What if I can't?"

"Can't what?"

"Get better."

"You will."

He remained resting his head upon her lap. He listened to her soothing hums as she began to hum him a lullaby. He felt the brushing of her fingers through his hair. The ach in his muscles seized as the sandman found his way back to him.

She let out a sigh of relief as his eyes closed and remained closed. She gave him a kiss upon his forehead and whispered, "Goodnight."

**Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5: The next morning

He woke the next morning on the couch without remembrance on how he got there. "Emily?" he whispered afraid she was still asleep.

"Yes Spencer?" Emily asked walking back to the couch with two cups of coffee. She handed him his cup with the added extra sugar in his just the way he likes it

"Thanks," he said taking his cup. "How did I end up sleeping on the couch?"

"You had a bad night, Spencer." His face started to turn red with embarrassment. He placed his head in his hands. She reached out to comfort him, "It's alright Spencer," She patted his leg and leaned up against him.

"It's embarrassing to know that I a grown man had a bad night like a toddler."

"Spencer, its alright. No one expects you to be perfect." She assured him

"I do."

"It's ok,"

"You keep saying its ok or it will be ok, but what if it isn't going to be ok?"

"You have to believe that it will be." She assured him. "Derek will be here in about an hour. You should probably go freshen up. I got to make a quick phone call anyways." She kissed his cheek as before he stood up and went to the shower.

*Emily's Call*

"Aaron Hotchner." He answered the phone always in a business tone.

"Hey it's me Emily."

"How is he?"

"I'm worried."

"Why?"

"He keeps telling me about these bad thoughts that have been reoccurring in his mind."

"Has he told you what they were?"

"No, just that he says I will know when I should be worried."

"He didn't say anything else?"

"No, just that these thoughts he has had been scaring him. And to be honest it scares me too."

"Did he sleep alright?"

"Not exactly, he is still having urges and nightmares. I feel bad for him."

"Emily, don't cave into him. I know how you feel about him."

"I'm not going to cave into him. Just because I care about him."

"Good. Derek should be there shortly, I'll talk to Derek after he leaves to see if Spencer has told him about these thoughts."

"Alright, I don't think we should be leaving him alone at any point possible. He needs his free time we allow him but I think we should cut it down some. Just in case."

"I'll think about it Emily. We can't just hover over him."

"I know, just that these bad thoughts he has, really concerns me."

"I understand your concern, its concerning me as well. But I think cutting his free time in half will cause more damage than good. He already feels like he is being treated like a kid."

"I know."

"I'll talk to you when you get back to the office Emily."

"Talk to you later Aaron."

She heard him hang up the phone just as she heard the shower water turn off. She was worried about Spencer. His wellbeing and his state of mind.

*His shower*

As the warmth of the water touched his skin he felt mini trembles travel through his body. He watched the condensation form on his glass shower door as he washed his body with the cooling touch of his male body wash. He rubbed his skin at the touch of the body wash as he tried not to tone into Emily's conversation just on the other side of the wall. The warmth of the shower relieved him of his muscle achs. He pressed his head up against the wall as curiosity got the best of him as he caught the last of Emily's conversation.

All he could hear was her side of the conversation but he knew it was with Aaron. He wondered what was said during the conversation but that was between them. He moved his hands through his hair as he applied the organic shampoo. He paid close attention to his hair. For his hair was his charmer as much as his smile was. He wasn't perfectly muscular especially compared next to his friend. He knew he had his charms though.

He got the remaining shampoo out of his hair and applied the conditioner recommended by his hairstylist. As he finished in the shower washing out the remaining of the conditioner and the rest of his body that was covered in little trails of goose bumps. He examined his fingers as he stepped out of the shower not realizing he was in there long enough for his fingers to prune.

A soft knock came at the door followed by Emily's soft gentle voice, "Hey Spencer, since it seemed you forgot to grab clothes from your dresser I grabbed some for you. There sitting here by the door."

"Thanks." He responded.

_Am I losing my mind?_ He thought to himself. It was highly unusual that he forgot his own clothes. He wrapped himself in a towel and wrapped one around his hair. He opened the bathroom door to grab his clothes that was folded and placed at the foot of the door. He closed the door behind him and removed the towel rubbing himself dry. He slipped on his clothes to face himself in the mirror. _She knows me better than I do._ He thought not even realizing that he didn't even grab his own clothes, making himself chuckle. He undid the towel from his hair and began what seemed to be a thirty minute process.

*Start of Derek's watch*

He entered the living room to Emily sitting on the couch where the blankets had been folded and neatly placed at the bottom of the couch. "You don't have to clean my apartment."

"I know, I had to do something to keep me busy."

"Thank you."

"It wasn't no trouble Spencer."

"No thank you for everything you have done for me so far." She nodded as a knock came at the door.

He walked over to the door to let Derek in. "I'm here to free you for the day Emily." Derek teased

"I don't mind watching Spencer,"

"Oh, I know you don't mind." He raised his eyebrows as the referring to their little sexual acts the other night. Receiving a glare from Spencer.

"I'll see you tonight Spencer." Emily said as she left the two men.

**Sorry in advance if this is going to be a longer story than I originally thought. Please Review and let me know what you think. Don't worry this is just the beginning of what I hope will be a great story. I won't fully get into the violence of the story within the next few chapters. Not until Spencer gets a day to himself and he really gets to express those thoughts. I felt that that the reader needed to grasp Spencer's feelings/reasoning first. **


	6. Chapter 6: Final Apology

Derek watched Spencer clean the remaining places of his apartment.

"Are you not going to speak to me today?" Derek asked for he hasn't spoken a word since Emily left.

Spencer shrugged. He hated being babysat by Derek.

"What did I do?" Derek asked Spencer hoping for an answer but he just received a shrug again. "Seriously, this silent treatment thing I don't like. What do you want to do today?"

"I want to go out. I have been stuck in the walls of my apartment for four days now."

"I don't know Spencer."

"I'm only going to go more insane being trapped in my apartment."

"Are you sure you're ready to venture out doors?"

"Derek, you asked what I wanted to do today and I responded that I want to go out. It's only making me worse leaving me in my apartment day in and day out." He said

"Only if you think you're ready." Derek sighed

Spencer grabbed his bag and looked at Derek, "Well?"

They left his apartment with no destination in mind. He watched out the window as Derek drove down the road. It felt good to be out. He watched the colors blur together as Derek's sped up. He took in the sounds of the cars that drove past them, the birds, and just about anything else he could hear.

"I have to stop by the headquarters of you don't mind coming in? Jennifer misses you and so does Penelope. They are worried about you."

"I wouldn't mind it."

Derek drove to the headquarters. He lead Spencer into the office and into straight into Aaron's office.

*Visit With Aaron*

"Spencer, this is a surprise." Aaron said looking up from his current case file.

"I forgot something here this morning." Derek told Aaron as he left Spencer in Aaron's office

"I wanted to go out." He told Aaron he stood back by the door. He was nervous for being in his office.

"You can take a seat. I don bite."

"I'm good here."

"Suit yourself. How are you feeling?"

"My body achs from time to time other than that I'm fine."

"Emily is concerned, she said something about bad thoughts?"

"Nothing to worry about. I just want the drugs and I miss the high."

"It takes time to heal your body of drugs. I didn't expect you to bounce back quickly."

"I feel like I disappointed you."

"No Spencer, you didn't disappoint me. I feel like I failed you."

"No Aaron I failed myself. And I failed you. And I'm sorry about slapping you the other day. I wasn't myself."

"It's okay Spencer." He looked out his window to see Jennifer standing watching. "I think someone wants to see you."

He turned to see Jennifer standing near the door.

"Spencer," she said as she reached to hug him but he backed up from her hug. She gave Aaron a questionable look of concern, "Spence?"

"Don't touch me please."

"It's okay Spencer I'm not going to hurt you."

"I don't want to be touched!" Spencer snapped at her. He was hurt. He didn't understand why she wasn't there for him.

"Spencer." Aaron said

"I don't want to be touched. I don't see that as a problem."

"Enough Spencer, she is just concerned." Aaron responded

"I'm sorry Jennifer. Just on edge."

"That's understandable. How are you feeling?" She responded.

"A little harsh due to the urges and nightmares but I'm ok."

"It will get better." She assured, "It's good to see you." She left the two men.

"Spencer, what in the hell? I understand that you are extremely moody but that doesn't mean you have to snap at everyone." Aaron told him

"I said sorry."

"Sometimes sorry isn't good enough!" Aaron yelled at him.

Spencer put his head down to avoid eye contact with him. He felt ashamed for how he treated Jennifer. He leaned up against the wall and stared at the floor. Aaron realized just then how harsh he was to Spencer and how fragile Spencer's state of mind really is. He felt just as bad as Spencer was probably feeling.

"Spencer I..."

"Don't even bother Aaron. I know how your feeling, that I'm just some messed up kid that you are ready to get rid of."

"That's not it at all."

"Then what is it?"

"I want you better...because we need you on this team."

Spencer glanced up at Aaron with a half smile. Derek reentered the room feeling the tension between the two men. "Did I miss something?" Spencer shook his head. "Silent treatment again?" He shrugged in response. "Aaron?"

"He is mad."

"What did you do?"

"Snapped at him for snapping at Jennifer. I didn't realize how fragile his emotions are right now."

"I said sorry..." Spencer repeated

"Ready to go Spencer?" Derek asked Spencer. He nodded.

*Penelope*

Penelope stopped them at the door before they left. "Don't think you're not leaving without seeing me first."

She stepped a little closer to Spencer in hopes of a hug, "Don't Penelope." Derek said to stop Penelope who was in mid embrace.

She stopped, "What?"

"It's okay Penelope, I snapped at Jennifer on accident, he thinks I'll snap at you." Spencer answered,

"Can I give you a hug?" She asked him

He nodded. He really didn't mean to snap at Jennifer just that seeing her again caused something trigger. He opened his arms as Garcia went in for his hug. Derek stood watching with a confused look looking back between Jennifer and Spencer.

"You shod visit sometime." Spencer whispered to Penelope

"Seriously?"

"You're quirkiness could do me some good."

She smiled at him, "I'll see Spencer." She released her arms from around him, "It's good to see you Spencer. Get better soon." She patted his shoulder and walked back to her room.

*Jennifer*

"Ready?"

"Can I see Jennifer again? I feel bad."

"Sure." Derek led Spencer to Jennifer's office. He stood just outside the door.

"Jennifer?" Spencer spoke up,

"I thought you had already left."

"I wanted to apologize again, for earlier."

"It's okay Spencer. I mean it." She stood up from her chair and walked to stand in front of him.

"Can I give you a hug?" She let him do so. "I'm sorry." He whispered into her ear.

He stepped back from her. He looked at Derek, "Let's go." He wanted his last apology to be for her.

**Please Review!**


	7. Chapter 7: The New Reid

He went home with a mission on his mind. Tonight he was going to get high even if it ment breaking the rules. "Spencer, you have me worried." Derek said as he could see Spencer's brown eyes turning black. His hand seemed to have muscle spasms as it rested next to him. He was on edge...really on edge.

"Don't worry. I'm fine." That was a lie. He wasn't fine. He hoped Derek believed him. He didn't want a round of twenty questions. He didn't have the patience.

As they arrived back at his apartment, he locked himself in his room. He needed his plan. He paced back and forth just behind the door ignoring Morgan's whining wanting him to open the door or at least unlock it. He stopped as his face crossed the mirror. "Who am I?" He whispered, "Their Worst Nightmare." He looked upon his face for his brown eyes was black with rage.

"Victims..." He chuckled to himself in a whisper not wanting Morgan to over hear himself talking.

"Spencer!" Morgan shouted just on the other side of the door, "Do not make me kick this damn door down!"

He unlocked the door and opened it as Morgan was about to beat the door again. He wasn't quick enough this time to dodge the blow as it clipped the right side of his face just barely missing his eye. He grabbed Morgan's arm twisting it as he shoved it back. Morgan stood stunned that he had just hit him. "Sorry I didn't mean..."

"Don't bother, it didn't even sting." Another lie. Where his fist hit the muscle twitched as a bruise began to form.

"I'll get you some ice. It will help with the swelling."

"It's fine really." He assured Morgan as he headed to the kitchen to grab a bag and some ice.

"Here," Morgan handed him the bag of ice watching him gently place it on the redden part of his skin.

"Maybe it knocked some since into me." Spencer joked.

*Hours Later*

Emily had arrived at her precise time to relieve Derek. She looked at Spencer with concern as she looked upon Spencer. "Did he hit you?"

"Accident."

"It looks swollen." She brushed her fingers up against the slightly bumped up bruise that looked nasty. "Does it hurt?"

"No." She could feel the muscle and his skin still twitching underneath her fingers.

"Any plans for tonight?"

"No" that was another lie but he couldn't tell her his plans he had made tonight.

His lip twitched at the thought of his first victim. Blonde. Beautiful. If possible Blue eyes.

"Spencer?"

"Hmm?" He responded as he thought about his girls.

"You okay?"

"Yes." He responded with a raspy voice. Something changed in him. And he was going to show who he had become.

**Please Review! Thanks! **


	8. Chapter 8: His First

_***Midnigh***_

He waited till Emily was asleep on the couch before sneaking out of his apartment. He slipped on a black hoodie, pair of black gloves, and slipped on a pair of black shoes that was slightly bigger than the ones he normally wore in case he left a foot print. He had a map he carried with him that he circled the nightclubs, bars, and other places that may have a crowd after midnight. Places he hated but needed to go to get his fix.

As his feet hit the pavement he picked up his pace. He went to the bus stop four blocks over and waited. A few minutes had gone by before the late night bus stopped. He pointed on the map where he wanted to go. He sat at the back of the empty bus.

_***Bus Ride* **_

"I haven't picked you up late at night." The bus driver said. He glanced through his mirror to see a very fidgety boy with a hood pulled over his head covering his eyes. "You new to town?" The kid shrugged. "I can take you to the club your most of the kids your age go."

"How old do you think I am?" He said in a raspy voice

"I'd say about twenty. Twenty five tops."

He glanced up long enough for the driver to get a glimpse of his bruise. "How did you get that? A fight?"

"Accident."

The bus driver pulled to the stop closest to the club. "If you're done by 2:00 I'll be making my final round."

He got off the bus and took in the rustic looking club with a blue haze of fog that traveled under the door. The lights danced around the inside of the windows. He took in a deep breath and opened the door.

_***Club***_

"ID?"

He handed him a fake ID. "Your good."

He stepped out on the dance floor not really feeling the dance music playing and suited himself along the back wall. He glanced out at the crowd. He pulled back his hood and ran his fingers through his hair. He brushed them up against the bruise that still slightly stung and twitched.

"That looks like it hurts!" A voice echoed beside him. And boy was she just what he was looking for. He felt a smile slip.

"Not at all."

"Can I?" She moved her hand across his bruise.

"John." He said introducing himself. He knew he shouldn't use his real name.

"Stacy." She study his posture for a moment, "You don't look comfortable here."

"And I say you're drunk." He could smell the alcohol on her breath which lingered into his nostrils.

"How much do you say I had to drink?"

"The way your breath smells and depending on rather or not it was mixed drinks or not I say six."

"So your smart and attractive." She brushed his arm with her hand.

He trembled at the touch. "Follow me." He held onto her hand leading her out of the club. They walked two blocks from the club and entered a dead end street.

He pressed her up against the brick wall. His adrenaline was running high as he grasped around her throat. "Please...please let go." She breathed. His fingers clasped together through the black gloves. He squeezed tighter listening to her gasp as she struggled to get air into her lungs. He released his hands around her neck watching her collapse to the ground gasping in the air into her dry lungs.

"Please..." She begged him in between breaths. "Don't..." She raised her hand to stop him. Her eyes screamed fear as her voice was hard to find.

He brushed the hand aside he pressed his foot upon her ankle. He watched the agony in her eyes and in her face as her ankle snapped. She stared at him with watery eyes as she silently whimpered. She was too afraid to scream.

He jerked her up and pressed her back up against the brick wall. He grasped her neck once again and began to squeeze it tightly. This time he never let go. He watched her face expression go from hopeless to scared to blank. Her blue eyes stared at him blankly as her body went limp in his hands. He threw her down like a rag doll and kicked her in the abdomen. He spat out a few words underneath his breath in another language. He picked up her limp body and tossed her in the nearest dumpster like garbage.

His heart was racing from the adrenaline high. He no longer wanted those silly drugs but wanted this instead. No, he didn't want it he needed it. He looked at his watch and noticed it was 1:45. He headed for the bus stop to catch the last bus. On the bus ride home he thought of his next kill causing a smile to curl and upon his lips.

"You seem happier." The bus driver said noticing the perky smile underneath the black hood

"You have no idea." He breathed.

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	9. Chapter 9: The Hours After

As he arrived home and settled into bed he began to see swirls of her blonde hair and blue eyes meshing together inside his mind on constant loop. The smell of her alcohol flavored breath burned in his nostrils. The cracking of the bone rung in his ears. The after affects he thought to himself as he sat up in bed and dimmed the lights. After all it was his first.

He pressed his fingers together forming a circle similar to her neck size. He squeezed his hands as if he was still grasping her neck, killing her all over again. He watched as the swirls of blonde and blue stop in mid loop. He let out a sigh of relief as he settled back down into bed and closed his eyes.

He woke to a soft gentle knock on his bedroom door followed by a familiar voice, "it's ten o'clock Spencer."

He quickly glanced at his watch unaware of how much he truly over slept. He stretched as he laid in bed. He needed more sleep. "Tell Derek when he gets here that I'll probably just stay in bed."

She peeked her head in the door and he thought, if only if she was blonde she would be perfect. "You okay Spencer?"

"Just tired." She left his door open just a crack as she went about the apartment taking care of a few things here and there.

He watched through the crack in his door as Derek arrived letting Emily go. He watched the older man sit on the couch and flipped on some soap opera, to only glance his way.

"You need anything?" He asked him as he peeked through the bed room door.

Spencer shook his head no and found a comfortable spot in bed. "Just rest." He finally responded.

"Okay well let me know if you need anything."

"I will." He watched him go back to the couch to watch his soap opera.

He pulled out the map from underneath his pillow and grabbed a thin tipped sharpie out of the night stand drawer. He opened the map and put a dot where his first victim was located and where she was taken from. He connected the dots. He folded the map back up and placed it back underneath his pillow and placed the sharpie back in its location.

He rested his head up against his pillow and closed his eyes. He dreamed of his next. Young, quirky, and beautiful. He watched her from afar as she danced within the crowd making her way towards him. She teased him leading him into the dark streets. It was too easy. He clasped his hands around her neck watching her struggle but instead of her going limp he did. He dropped to the ground as he began to laugh uncontrollably. "You're next!"

He awoke in a sudden sweat. His fingers twitched as he sat up. He peeked through the crack in his door to see Derek still sitting on the couch.

He finally decided it was time to get up. He walked out into the living room and sat next to Derek who once again was watching Days of our Lives. "What is with you and this soap operas? What's the appeal? It's just drama."

"So he finally awakens. You see the appeal is, just that kid, drama."

"I still don't see it."

"watch this episode with me."

He don't know what made him to go along with Derek and watch the episode. He sought it as an hour of torture. As the episode ended Derek asked him, "care to watch another?"

"No thank you. I'd prefer to watch Doctor Who."

"I am not watching that."

"Now come on, I sat through a soap opera." Spencer said reaching for the remote.

"Fine." Derek sighed, "but if you start talking about it in science terms it is getting turned off."

"Deal." Derek handed him the remote and braced himself for an hour long episode of Doctor Who.

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	10. Chapter 10: His Second

He headed to the bus stop the same time he did yesterday, to catch the midnight ride.

"Back again?" The bus driver asked him as he pointed to the map where he wanted to go. "Didn't like the last one?"

"No." His raspy voice made the hairs on the bus driver's neck stand up,

"Can you tell me what's up with the hood and gloves?" The bus driver asked as he watched him take the back seat.

"Mystery."

He assumed the bus driver was in his fifties. Married. And has kids and grandkids due to the photos that hung in the dash. "How old are your kids?"

The question surprised the bus driver, "Thirty and twenty-five."

He stared at the pretty blonde girl in the photo. His evil grin formed across his face.

"Here is your stop. Two o'clock." The bus driver said as he went to get off the bus.

"You're daughter...she is beautiful." He told the bus driver as he left the bus.

She would be his last. He hoped. He let a laugh slip through the harshness of his voice as the bus driver left. He walked the remaining distance to the club five blocks down.

Again he handed his fake ID which he was surprised no one caught on to yet. He got the clearance he needed and stood up against the back wall of the club scanning for his next.

_I wonder what two would feel like at once?_ He thought to himself as he glanced around the room. He had seen a variety of potentials but he needed that one certain girl. If he couldn't find her then this one would be a victim of opportunity.

His eyes fixed on a girl who sat at the bar alone. She looked upset from the distance as she sipped on a cocktail. He seen her have two other shots before that. She spun on the bar stool as she giggled and smiled before stumbling off the stool. He had made his way over to the bar just in time to catch her as she fell.

"You saved me!" She giggled. She was drunk...really drunk. He could tell from the running of her eyeliner that she had been crying. "My hero!" She went to take another drink of the cocktail but he grabbed it from her instead "Hey! Seriously? Buy your own!" She reached for the glass as he teased her with it raising it higher.

"I think you had enough to drink." He said handing the bartender the drink.

"Come on! You're no fun!" She pouted

"You want fun?" He asked in a teasing way. "Follow me." His voice grew dark.

She was hesitant but agreed to follow him. They walked two blocks north and entered a dead end street due east. He pressed her body up against the wall of the building. He held her shoulders back so she couldn't reach out to him. He pressed her shoulders hard until she let out a little squeal of pain. He placed a hand up against her throat to silence her and pressed hard. She gasped for air as a tear began to crystalize in her eyes.

"Please…" she begged, "I'll do whatever you want…"

"I want you to shut up!" He spat at her.

She looked at him with a scared look in her eyes as she remained silent. "You will die silently." He told her in his raspy voice. He began to laugh as she stared at him with a begging expression. He clasped his hands around her neck pressing them together. She didn't struggle within his grasps. She allowed him to. She gasped for air as her lungs began to get dry her eyes swelled with tears.

He released her allowing the air to reenter her lungs once more before he finished her. She collapsed before him. He smiled as he stared at her as she struggled. He placed his foot on her ankle until it snapped underneath. She cringed at the pain that came from her ankle but she dared to speak to the man that was going to kill her.

He pulled her up from the ground and pushed her up against the wall. He collapsed his hands around her. He felt the last bit of air escape her lungs as her eyes grew still. They stared at him blankly as he threw her aside. He kicked her not once but twice in the abdomen. He picked her up by her arms and flung her into the nearest dumpster. He brushed his gloves and walked back to the bus stop in time to catch the bus ride home.

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	11. Chapter 11: Remorse

He arrived home shortly after two thirty in the morning feeling the adrenalin high as he tiptoed around the sleeping Emily on the couch. He sat in the recliner staring at her for a few short moments. He accidentally bumped the end table next to the couch almost knocking down the lamp. He caught it in mid fall and quickly placed it back on the table hoping he didn't wake Emily with the commotion of the lamp falling.

"Reid?" Emily asked in a tired voice, "What are you doing up?" She rubbed her eyes and sat up turning on the light. He quickly turned it off not wanting her to see him in the black hoodie and gloves.

"I went to get a glass of water. My throat felt dry."

"Where is the glass of water?" Emily asked squinting her eyes in Reid's direction. She didn't see in his darkened outline where a glass of water was.

"I drank it in the kitchen."

"Why did you turn off the light after I turned it on?"

"I didn't want the light on."

"That's odd. I thought you didn't enjoy the dark very much."

"I don't. May I go back to bed?"

"One more thing before you do…"she paused looking at him. She scanned his body for signs for just about anything out of place. But she couldn't see anything due to the darkness. She listened to his breathing as it was faster than normal. "You okay? You are breathing fast than you usually do?"

"I couldn't be better."

He blew her a gentle kiss and whispered, "Goodnight, my Emily." He headed into his bedroom gently closing the door behind him. He dimmed his light and sat on his bed. He pulled out his map, placed two new dots on it and connected them. He connected them two the first two sets of dots.

He slipped off the hoodie, gloves, and shoes and tossed them aside in his room. He placed the map underneath his pillow and rested his head against. "Now how can I get two at once?" he thought to himself. He was just one guy after all and he didn't know if two pretty girls would be willing to watch one another slowly die. "One at a time would do for now…" He sighed as he relived his second kill.

He could picture standing in front of him as he reached his hands in the air grabbing nothing. He squeezed his hands together as he watched her eyes blankly star at him. He felt a smile creep on his face at the memory of his second kill. He glanced over at the mirror on his wall as he stared at a Spencer he wasn't familiar with. He placed his hands down at his side and walked over to the mirror. He stared at his blackened eyes. He touched his face where Morgan had punched him the other day and whispered, "Who have I become?" He felt a tear escape his eyes. He watched it as it trailed down his face stopping where his finger was over the bruise. He removed his finger and watch the tear trail the rest of the way down his face.

"I hate the new me…" He whispered to himself as he felt what he thought he should have felt. Remorse. He let out a soft cry as he thought of his first two victims. "How, how have I become this?" He asked himself through the mirror. He thought for a moment and remembered his reason why, "The high." He felt a smile creep on his face even though he hated it. He hated himself for what he was doing but his body wanted no needed the high.

"I must stop…but I can't stop…they will have to stop me…" He whispered to his reflection in the mirror. "Please…." He breathed, "Let them stop me before I hurt anyone else."

He glanced at himself one more time before he went to bed, "Please…" He begged silently to himself as he tucked himself underneath the covers and closed his eye as another tear escaped his brown eyes.

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	12. Chapter 12: Afraid of the Light

*Approached*

Jennifer was approached by a concerned police officer about the girls that have been found. "Agent Jareau?' He asked her before she headed into the headquarters.

"Yes sir?" She turned to face the deputy and noted his concerned look on his face.

"You look like them." His response stunned her,

"Excuse me sir?" His response made a chill run through her spin as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. She brushed her arms where the goose bumps trailed.

"The girls that have been found. They resemble you."

"The girl that was found dead sir?"

"Another was found this morning. No one has been in contact with you?"

"No sir, we are following the story on the news for any updates. If you're sheriff wants us to join him on the case he knows where to get a hold of us."

"I'll let him know. And Agent Jareau?"

"Yes sir."

"Be careful." He shook her hand and left.

She watched him leave. She had never felt fear like she did at that moment. _Be careful _she thought to herself as she entered the building, _be careful. _She stood inside her office rubbing her arms. _Just a warning_ she thought to herself, _it didn't mean anything._ She turned on the small TV in her office and watched the breaking report

_"Another girl was found this morning." The reporter said as the camera man directed the shot down the dead end street._

A knock on her door startled her and she quickly turned off the news, "Come in!"

Aaron walked into her office, "Did you watch the news?"

"I just turned it off. Another girl."

"That makes two."

"How long do you think it will be before we are called to help?"

"Probably not until another one is found dead." He said looking at her, her eyes slightly widen then went back to normal she grabbed her arms again trying to hide the goose bumps that formed. "Are you okay?"

"I was approached by a deputy this morning before coming in. They resemble me Aaron."

"I know. Did he invite us in?"

"No sir."

"Let me know when we get the call."

"I will sir."

*Emily's Concern*

As she watched him from the comfort of the couch she noted that he seemed more on edge than usual. She turned her head to avoid his eye contact. His eyes. They weren't the same. His brown eyes had turned dark and gloomy. His playful grin was no longer playful but a smirk of darkness on his face. His pacing that was usual calm seemed disturbed by something. At every bump or sound he flinched just a little. _What was he so nervous about_ she thought to herself. She watched his posture change and his breathing changed.

"Spencer?"

He quickly glanced up at her than back at the floor. He didn't know how much she saw of him last night. He stopped directly in front of her and slowly looked directly in her eyes. They were worry some. He stood with his hands at his side clutching them into a fist then releasing immediately.

"You okay?" Her voice echoed in his ears.

"Yes, I'm fine, how much do you remember from last night?"

"You wore dark clothing, you said you needed a drink of water."

"Anything else?"

"No, I went back to sleep once you locked yourself back in the bedroom." She adverted his eyes, "What is up with these questions Spencer? Is it this I should be worried about?"

"No, I told you I will let you know when you need to be worried."

"Spencer, I am worried. You seemed fine yesterday after Derek left. Now you seem highly on edge and your eyes…they aren't the same."

"Please, just do me this one favor."

"What is it Spencer?"

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine honestly."

"You haven't found another source of high have you?" She asked him she watched his posture change from calm to worry and back to calm his hand balled up then relaxed.

"You don't trust me do you?"

"No, I trust you Spencer, I just need to know."

"No I haven't. Just coming off the drug is enough to drive a person insane, I can see why Tobias keep it handy in case he flipped."

"You mean more than he already did?"

"Yeah more than he already did."

"Spencer."

"That drug brought back memories, Emily. Memories of my childhood. Now it all seems blurry. Like it didn't exists. All I can think about, back when Tobias took me was the white light I seen, before he revived me. What if he revived me for a reason?"

"He did revive you for a reason, even if it seems a little unclear he did revive you for a reason. He showed his father that he wasn't like him."

"But what if him reviving me was a curse?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Since then, I have been spinning out of control, not myself. I keep seeing that white light Emily. I see it every time I close my eyes. Then it brings back the urges and nightmares. In those nightmares, that white light turns to dark. I fall. And fall. There isn't anything to catch myself Emily. I feel like because of Tobias, I am no longer capable to heal properly to control my mind Emily. I feel like someone else is controlling me. I feel like the urges are controlling me, taking over me. I need help Emily but I can't seem to tell you why. It is suppressed in my mind and it isn't allowing it to escape my lips Emily. Please, I am begging you Emily, I need help. I don't feel right. I can't fight them."

She reached out her hand and took his. It felt cold instead of warm. His eyes screamed _Help me._ She watched as a tear escaped his eyes and he clasped to the floor. She crawled on the floor next to him. She cradled him in her arms brushing his hair out of her face. It was wet with sweat. "It will be okay, Spencer, it will be okay." She rocked him in his arms like a mother rocking a child. She kissed his forehead. She looked into his eyes to see the darkness still there. _What did you do _she thought to herself as she cradle him in her arms. She listened to his constant pleas as they became a whimpers and then became silent as he fell asleep.

*Derek*

Derek knocked on the door to only get a shush from Emily as she opened it. "I need your help. Help me get him to the couch."

"Why is he in a ball?" Derek asked in a whisper as he gentle picked him up, placing him on the couch. He watched as Emily covered him up and kissed him gently on the forehead.

"He broke down today." Emily told him.

"Do you know what about?"

"Tobias." She whispered but she could tell that Spencer heard for he flinched under the covers at the sound of his name. She brushed his hair to calm him.

"What did he say?" Spencer hadn't talked much about what happened when Tobais took him and tortured him. He presumed that is why he took to the drugs, to suppress his memories.

"That he needs help but he couldn't tell me why."

"Then we shall help him when he gets up." Derek said, he sat in the recliner next to the couch and watched his younger friends sleep.

Emily kissed Spencer one last time before she went to step out the door to leave, Spencer mumbled in his sleep, "Stay. Please." Derek glanced back up at Emily from watching Spencer.

"I can't stay." Emily whispered gentle in Spencer's ear,

"Please…" he mumbled

"Sorry.." She kissed him lightly on the forehead and tucked in the sides of the blanket. She glanced up at Derek and left.

Spencer woke at the sound of the door closing he fixed his eyes on his older friend whom seemed highly concerned. He glanced back at the door and rubbed his forehead where she had kissed him. He slowly sat up on the couch and stretched his arms as he yawned. He rubbed his eyes and blinked as he fixed his eyes back on Derek. "What?"

"Nothing, you had a breakdown and now you seem perfectly fine."

"I'm not fine."

"Then what is it?"

"They have taken over my life. The drugs. I can't stop wanting them. It's haunting me in my sleep."

"You asked for help. Does it have to do with the drugs?"

"One could say that."

"Then what do you need help with Spencer?"

"I can't say. They won't let me."

"Who won't let you?" Derek questioned Spencer. Concerned for his friends well being

"The urges. They are afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid of the light," His response sent chills down Derek's spine. His raspy voice echoed in his ears. He watched Spencer's demeanor change. Could these urges be causing Spencer to make reckless decisions that they are unaware of? He shook his head at the thought. Not his Spencer. He could never harm anyone or anything for stupid urges. Never.

**_* I thought I may point out a few things, he still feels, he wants to stop but he can't stop. And he is afraid of himself and what harm he has done and can do to seize the urges to make them stop. They are stopping him from confessing and he knows deep down that his fears of the dark, his mind, and his urges would take over his body. Molding him into something that he doesn't like but he can't tell them, even though he wants to. They taking over his mind. Making the irrational decisions, that he can't control. Not until they are able to stop him themselves and he is afraid of that outcome. He hopes they get him help before it is too late.*_**

**_I'm not really sure how I feel about this chapter. But I liked it so I deiced to go with it._**

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	13. Chapter 13: Confessions

"Are you afraid of the light or the urges?" Derek asked Spencer trying to make since of what he was talking about.

"The urges. I want to be better I want to get better but they are stronger than I had anticipated."

"How strong?"

"Stronger than you will ever know." Spencer said.

"You are not making any since," Derek asked questioning Spencer's state of mind.

"You will make since of it." Spencer's raspy voice was back and his haunting glow seemed to return.

"Spencer…" Derek asked questioningly as Spencer made his way into his room closing the door behind him.

*Derek's Call*

"Aaron?" He asked in a questioned voice as the other line picked up

"What is it Derek?"

"It is Spencer. He I am extremely worried."

Aaron could hear his worried tone over the phone. "What has you so worried,"

"He says the urges are taking over his mind, his life and he can't seem to stop them. I think he is finding another source to ease them Hotch."

"Do you know what?"

"No. He won't tell me. He says they are afraid of the light."

"Keep a close eye on him. Let me know if anything changes in him."

"I will Aaron."

"One more thing, Derek let him be aware of the recent murders, see if he is showing any signs of sympathy."

"You think that it is a good idea?"

"Just to make sure he is still human. That he hasn't completely changed." Aaron said as he hung up the phone.

*Aaron*

Aaron hung up the phone from his phone call from Derek and reached into his locked safe of his office. He pulled out the Tobias case file and the two bottles of drugs. He needed his young genius to get better but if he could at all be the possible cause of these recent murders, in order for him to confess he has to surrender the drugs over to Reid. If they are taking over his body over his mind maybe seeing them once again would allow him too fully confess and they could get him the help he needs.

He headed out of his office with a mission on his mind. He stopped by Jennifer's office first before leaving.

"I need to ask you something,"

"What is it Aaron?" She glanced at the bag he was holding in his hands,

"What was the last thing Spencer said to you before he left the office a few days ago?"

She thought for a moment and then remembered, "He said, I'm sorry."

"That's all I needed to hear."

"Aaron…"

He left before she could finish the question. He headed out the door and jumped into a vehicle that was parked the closest to the building. He had figured him out. He had no control over his mind any more no thanks to Tobias. _That Bastard_, Aaron thought angrily. He had caused this...this new Spencer to form. He flipped on the sirens no sooner than the tires had hit the highway.

Within minutes he found himself running up the stairs of Reid's apartment building and pounding on the door. "Hotch? Derek asked as Aaron burst through the door.

"Where is Spencer?"

"In his room. What is the matter?" Derek was confused,

"He killed them." Aaron said approaching Spencer's door.

"What?! Aaron you are not making since."

"It clicked to me when you said he begged for help, they are afraid of the light, they don't want to him to tell. What is a drug addict do when they no longer have the source for their high?"

"They find another."

"Exactly." Aaron pounded on Spencer's door turning the knob on the door. "Spencer open up!" Aaron shouted as he braced himself to kick down the door. He listened for the click and the turning of the knob. "Spencer!" he pounded the door again to only hear that magic sound of the click and turn.

He grabbed Spencer's shirt and pulled him down to the floor. He moved his arms to his back handcuffing them. He picked Spencer up and flung him down in the recliner. He watched Spencer shake his head and turned to face him with a dark expression.

"Confess!" He yelled as he pulled out photos of the two dead girls placing them in front of him.

Spencer's lip twitched. He stared down at the girls with watery eyes and a blank expression on his face. He watched as Hotch pulled out another photo. That was a face he was trying to get out of his memories. He turned his face away but to only be pulled back by Aaron.

"Take it easy!" Derek shouted at Aaron. He could tell that Spencer was highly uncomfortable.

"No! He needs to confess!"

"I did nothing!" Spencer yelled at Aaron

"Tell the truth!" He placed the bottles of Deliudid in front of Spencer. "Tell!"

"Please move those away from me!"

"No!"

"Please!" He begged, his hand began to twitch in the cuffs behind him

"Did you kill those girls spencer! Did you!?"

"I….I.." he stammered he looked down at the photos of the two dead girls thrown away like trash.

"You killed them because of Jennifer. You killed them because she wasn't assigned to baby sit you. You killed them for the high. Didn't you?" Aaron was getting impatient with Spencer

Spencer began to feel the tears fall from his eyes he stared into the stern eyes of his boss, "I'm sorry."

"Just one more question," he looked at the young agent, "why?"

"I had no other choice! Please forgive me!" he burst into hysterical tears, "please forgive me….please forgive me…" he kept on repeating.

"There is you're confession Aaron! Are you happy now!" Derek shouted at Aaron who stood in shock and dismay.

"No, I'm not happy, I just lost my one of my best agents." He sat down next to Spencer on the couch and allowed him to fall in his lap. He brushed his hair from his face and whispered, "I'm sorry Spencer…I'm sorry I couldn't help you overcome your demons."

"I'm sorry Aaron…I'm sorry I let them over power me."

"It's not your fault," He assured Spencer

"Then who's is it?" Spencer asked Aaron looking into his bosses eyes,

"Tobias Hankel's." Aaron said with a sadden voice as he sat Spencer up. He stood up himself as he helped Spencer to his feet. He led Spencer to the awaiting vehicle outside.

**_~We can easily forgive a child for being afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light~ Plato_**

**_*So this is the end, I may be doing a follow up story of Spencer a years later in an institution. Let me know what you think about that idea or if you have an idea for a follow up. I hope you liked this story. Thanks for Reading!*_**

**_Please Review! Thanks!_**


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